You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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