I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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