is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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