my phone needs a breathalizer
He is an equal opportunity slut.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
