You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
