i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
