she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize