My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
