My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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