Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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