So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
