Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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