I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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