Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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