Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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