Already got asked if we're dating
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
