I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
