If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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