Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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