If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
