I wish my penis had an off switch
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
