After last night, I could never be a politician.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
