My sheets look like a crime scene.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
