So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
