Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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