I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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