I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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