My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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