: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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