no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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