We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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