i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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