the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
