Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
