Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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