You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
