You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
