i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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