i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
