My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
