I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
