guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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