i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
