i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
