Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
