ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
