I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
