Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
