Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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