Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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