If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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