When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
