Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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