it hurts more in the daytime
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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