i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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