I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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