Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
