We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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