She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
