Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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