You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
soo... how was my night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
