I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
