apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
