Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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