Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
